Welcome to our journey through foster parenting and adopting. I am so glad you have visited my blog.

My prayer is that through my experiences on this journey, I can be of help to someone else. I want Jesus Christ to be glorified through this blog because it is only through him that I am able to make this journey.

Here we go, let's start this journey together.

With All My Heart
Paula

Saturday, May 30, 2009

MUCH NEEDED VACATION

My family and I along with 3 other families are leaving for the beach in the morning. I hope everyone has a good week and I will post some pictures when we return.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LANDON

Happy 6th birthday Landon!!! We love you:)

MEET MARLEY, OUR NEW ADDITION TO THE FAMILY

Marley is Landons birthday present from his Dad.



















Saturday, May 23, 2009

ONCE UPON A TIME.....

Once upon a time, our family set out on an adventure to bring a daughter/sister into our family. We believed that this was exactly how God intend to complete our family and then something amazing happened.

We were called to foster this precious baby boy that has been a member of our family in every way for 10 wonderful months. This baby has truly changed our lives forever. We have learned that sometimes our plans are not always Gods plans. We have learned that we can love someone else's child as though they were our own. We have learned that we can love no matter what the race may be or what disability they may have. We have learned how truly wonderful our family support has been. Oh, the things that God has taught us through this process is amazing.

But, now we are being faced with making a decision that may possibly never happen. We are faced with needing to decide if we can adopt Little J should he become available for adoption and our family is torn. We do love Little J with all our hearts but we must decide if we can adopt him. Part of my family still has their hearts set on a little girl and we know that adopting one child is all we can do. I know some of you maybe be thinking that we are looking at this as a pick and choose kind of situation and that is not it. We want what is best for everyone involved. However, from the beginning of this whole process our family made the decision to do this together and we also agreed that we would all be in agreement on our decisions because at this point our family has to be considered first.

There has been no decision made yet and we still have sometime to pray about this and wait for God's plan to be revealed to us. I have begun to sense his will beginning to be revealed to us and if what is unfolding before me is truly God's plan I do know that all the details will be worked out and I cannot wait to share this with you. I just do not want to go into any details at this point until we are absolutely sure. Keep on praying for us please.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

SURPRISE, SURPRISE!!!

Well, I must admit, I turned 40 on May 14. I really thought I had it made, but boy was I wrong. My family and friends surprised me Saturday night with a party to help celebrate. I was definitely surprised. I had NO idea they had this planned. Way to go guys! You got me. Just remember though, some of you still have to turn 40.

Thank you so much for the party and gifts. I really did enjoy being with all of you.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

HOW?

How can such a tiny little green eyed boy steal so much of your heart?

How can that sweet little cry be something we will long for when he is gone?

How can we forget what he will be possibly going home to?

How can DHR ask us to bring these children into our homes, love them like our own, oh and by all means though don't get attached?

How can we love someone so much and then say goodbye?

How can I continue to bring children into my home, ask my children to love them and then say ok kids its time to say goodbye?

How can I look into those sweet little eyes everyday and not wonder how many more days we have or could this be the last?

How can I not hold him just a little longer each night because I don't know how much longer we have?

How can I not dream of us being his Mom and Dad forever?

How can my children not have those same feelings of being his brother forever?

How can having your children taken away not be enough motivation to do something about it?

How can a possible prison sentence be the best motivation?

How can a little community service of keeping a section of the highway clean and rehab be punishment enough for a charge of chemical endangerment to a child, having your baby born addicted and a heart condition that cannot be reversed that he has to live with the rest of his life?

How can THEY DO US THIS WAY?

I guess you can tell I am very upset as is my whole family. The ISP meeting today was awful. We are now looking for a rehab to take Mom and Little J and his sister. Do you want to know the real kicker? The real motivation behind going to rehab now. It is not because of the children and whats best for them, it is to stay out of prison. You heard me right a little community service and rehab (slap on the wrist) and Little J has a heart condition which may require a transplant that he has to deal with the rest of his life.

My children are devastated and do not understand and I don't know how to explain what I do not understand. This attempt at rehab may fail to. As always I will say we will love him for as long as we have and trust that Gods will be made cleared to us and that as he promises, he will be right there with us every step of the way.

Friday, May 8, 2009

BECAUSE "I'M YOUR MOTHER"

I just talked with Little J's mother today which was a most frustrating conversation. I need to catch you up to date a little bit. Since our last ISP meeting she has continued using drugs and has received no help, but of course this is everyone else fault. Yeah right. Anyway the last 2 weeks that Little J has had a visit with her he has cried for me. This past Tuesday it was so bad that 45 minutes into the visit she called me to come get him because she could not get him to stop crying. I went back to get him and he was immediately happy. This really upset Little J's mom but I cannot apologize for that because this is HER fault.

She called me last night and left a message that she really needed to talk to me. Well, me in my not right mind (haha) thought that this is it, she is finally ready to sign over her rights. Boy was I wrong. She again is back to "I want my kids back and I want help". I do not believe her and I told her that.

She continued with the conversation and began talking about what was best for Little J and this is what really upsets me. She said "What are we going to tell Little J when I get him back because he loves you so much"? My response was I don't know you tell me. She said "we will just say you are going home because I'M YOUR MOTHER". Ok I have a real problem with this answer because blood is not all that makes you a mother.

Can someone please explain to me why our courts, social workers, lawyers and anyone else involved thinks that "because i'm your Mother" is a good reason to destroy a childs life. Little J does not know her as his mother. He will not understand why he is having to leave the only Dad, Mom, brothers, grandparents, aunts and uncles he has ever known and why should he be expected to understand. These parents think that just because they have decided after 6 months, 9 months or even longer they are ready to get help their children are supposed to understand. So we help parents get well and damage children. Does not make alot of sense to me but this is what will happen and I have NO CONTROL of the outcome.

All I can do now I guess is change nothing. I will continue loving Little J as my own and I will keep reminding myself that this is all in Gods hands (oh and Kelly I will need your help with this so just keep reminding me often that all Little J needs right now is our unconditional love and whatever happens is Gods Plan).

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

THE GIFT


Here it is Kelly. He did good, didn't he?

TWENTY YEARS

Hubby and I have married 20 years today. Wow!! I love you Chyne, thanks for 20 great years and I look forward to 20 more.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

MY LITTLE GRADUATE

Today was Landon's preschool graduation. I cannot believe my baby is going to kindergarten. I wanted to share a few pictures with you:





MY BEST BUDDY!!!







MRS MARCIA-MY SPECIAL TEACHER