Welcome to our journey through foster parenting and adopting. I am so glad you have visited my blog.

My prayer is that through my experiences on this journey, I can be of help to someone else. I want Jesus Christ to be glorified through this blog because it is only through him that I am able to make this journey.

Here we go, let's start this journey together.

With All My Heart
Paula

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

HERE WE GO AGAIN

Little J's BM called me last night to tell me she had spoken with the mother of the boy we just did the DNA testing on. The mother told T that if Little J was his that she could not wait to get her hands on him. She told T that they were led to believe he was someone else's child and that they wanted him. Let me add though that they thought he may be someone else's child but no DNA had been done so why did they not come forward and say that this was a possibility. T is friends with this lady and they have known about Little J and this whole situation the entire time.

I do not know how to feel about this right now. I am trying not to get myself worked up over this because we do not even know if he is the Dad but it is hard. My hubby said don't worry Little J is not going anywhere. I wish I was that confident but we have a crazy system.

I know that some of you feel that being with the biological family is what is best no matter what but I have to disagree. I cannot believe that taking a baby from the only family he has ever known and placing him in strangers home (and they are strangers) is best. I am not saying that this is what will happen but it could and it stinks. I feel like that every situation should be evaluated and just because its best for one case does not mean it is best for every case. In our case Little J has been with us 13 1/2 mos and we are his family biology or not.

Ok, sorry I know it sounds like I am sending Little J away and it has not happened but I cannot help but worry. I love this little guy so much and I do not want to even think about the possibility of him not always being here.

Keep praying, prayers have been answered so far and I know this to will work out too.

Monday, September 28, 2009

ACCEPTANCE

Chyne and I just purchased a new washer, dryer and stove and we gave our old ones to Little J's BM. Yesterday, we took the appliances to their home.

When we got to Little J's BM house they invited us in to visit. We went in and sat down in their living room and watched Little J entertain everyone. We had a very good visit with them. It was nice to just sit and visit in their home without DHR having to supervise, without having to leave Little J screaming because he doesn't want to stay, to see Little J's BM just enjoy playing with him without having to try to make him happy, and most of all to see that Little J's BM is accepting her new role.

While we were there she spoke to Little J by referring to herself by her name. She would say "come see T." It was sad in the fact that I cannot imagine being her but it was good because of her acceptance. It made everything less stressful and it truly let me know that she is comfortable with us and confident in the decision she has made to sign over her rights. She is a good person and does want what is best.

Friday, September 25, 2009

DNA TESTING DONE

Potiential father #2 went for his DNA testing yesterday. We should hear something in about 2 weeks. I really hope it is sooner than that though because all this waiting will make you crazy (if you are not already).

I do want to ask any of my readers if they know anything about the Alabama State Law which has to do with the Putative Father Registry. To my knowledge in Alabama if someone thinks they could possibly be the father of an infant they must register their name with this registry within 30 days of the childs birth in order to seek custody. If this is not done then it is giving consent for adoption and if a child is placed for adoption then they have no more rights.

If this be the case then I do not understand why DHR does not enforce this Law. What I would like to know is, is there a clause that has to do with DHR and custody that prevents this from being used? There are so many children in foster care that are ready to be adopted but they are waiting on DNA testing. This law could change alot of childrens lives if it can be used in a DHR situation. Please let me know if you have any information about this. Oh, and by the way there are other states that have the same law so you do not have to be just in Alabama to answer my question.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

FAMILY UPDATE

I know my posting has been sort of few and far between lately, but we have been so busy I never have the time to actually post.

Everyone is doing great here.

Hubby celebrated his 40th birthday August 31 and I pulled off a big surprise party for him. It was soooo much fun. Hubby is also getting ready for hunting season.

Seth is busy with church activities and also getting geared up for basketball season which is just around the corner.

Patton stays very busy with football practice, baseball hitting lessons, and texting his girlfriend.

Landon is our little head hunter on his football team. He has at least 10 tackles a game and causes 2-3 fumbles per game. Way to go Landon.

Little J is just busy getting into everything and climbing on whatever he can get a knee on. We also have had a major accomplishment, he is sleeping through the night in his OWN bed. If he does wake he just cries himself back to sleep. Yes, finally.

As for me you can tell I am just busy being mom and the taxi service.

Little J's paternity testing is scheduled for September 25th. This is for the second possible father. If this is not the one we have one more to test. We have not heard from Little J's BM in almost 4 weeks. I hope she is okay. I still worry about her a lot.

I guess that is about all I have to report for now. I will update you with more information as it becomes available.

Monday, September 7, 2009

FRIENDSHIP, ONE OF GOD'S GREATEST BLESSINGS

Friendship, I think this is something that sometimes we take for granted and miss out on one of God's greatest blessings. I want to share with you about my blessing.

I just do not really know where to begin to tell you how much my friend means to me. I have only know her for a little over a year but I feel like we have been friends a lifetime. We met in our GPS class (oh and by the way I do believe this was all in God's plan). I will never forget talking to her for the first time and just being in awe of her. She already had 5 children of her own and here she was with a burden for adoption ready to add another child. To be honest I really thought she was crazy haha. Just kidding. Anyway we just hit it off from the beginning. Since our GPS class has ended our friendship has grown. We talk EVERYDAY usually a lot more than once. I really do not know what I would do without her. I cannot imagine being on this journey without her.

God has used our friendship in so many ways I cannot even begin to explain all that has happened but the one thing I will always be indebted to her for is that she let me know about Little J. She was called to foster Little J first but after prayer and consideration she really felt like that for her family taking on a child with a severe heart condition was not what was best. She called me and told me she had turned the placement down and I immediately called to inquire about him. I do believe this was all in God's plan. She now has 3 foster children of her own and we both are real close to adoption.

As we come to maybe the end of this chapter of our life we are a little sad. We do have a heart for foster children but we cannot save all of them. It is our prayer that through our love for the Lord, our friendship, our families and our foster care experience we can recruit and be an advocate for these children. We are in prayer that God will use us to reach people for these children. We do not know if it is together or on different journey's but together as friends we do want to make a difference.

Okay I have left you in suspense long enough. Although you may have already figured out who my very best friend in the whole worlds is, It's Kelly from the blog The Missing Piece.

Kelly, thank you for your friendship I could not have done this without you and would have never wanted to do it without you. I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for us both. Hold on tight girl because I know he has BIG plans for us.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

QUESTIONS ABOUT OPEN ADOPTION

I would like to take a minute to ask a few questions about open adoption. My husband and I are considering having a somewhat open adoption with Little J's BM. I just need to know how some of you handle the arrangements of open adoption. I do not want to commit myself to too much but I really don't know what to do.
  1. Do you setup guidelines before the adoption is final?
  2. Do you allow visits at your home or in a community setting.
  3. Do you specify who can visit?
  4. Does open adoption sometimes mean no actual physical contact just updates through pictures.
  5. How do you go about explaining the situation to your child?
  6. How do you live in the same community and not have an open adoption?

We really do not know how to handle all of this. Little J's BM has agreed to waive parental rights but does want to continue a relationship. Our stipulation was she has to be clean and it would always be on our terms but how do we make the right decisions about the terms? Any input you can give would really help.