Although this was a very happy day for me I have been overcome with emotion since we came home. I will try and paint the picture for you that I will never forget. First of all Little J's BM has been in jail since before Christmas. She went due to not following what they told her to do the last time she was in court. They brought her into the court room in handcuffs and chains like she had murdered someone. She had lost so much wait and just really looked sad. We go before the judge and her attorney let the judge know that she had signed consent for termination. The judge then looked at her and asked her did she understand that she was waiving all parental rights and that she would no longer be considered in any decision. With tears streaming down her cheeks she looked at the judge and said yes I do. The judge told her that she should be thankful that we were willing to adopt Little J and she said I am I know they are good people.
My heart as a Mother broke for her. Her choices and decisions are what got her in this situation but I still felt bad for her. We have built a relationship and I can not help but have compassion for her. I do love this girl and want what is best for her. What she did today was finally the right thing. She has made some really bad choices where Little J is concerned but today she stood tall and was very brave and did not give her child up but she gave him better. She chose today to give him what she cannot give right now. This was something that if I were in her shoes I'm not sure if I could have done it. I cannot begin to imagine how hard it must have been for her to give up her child forever. No matter what she will always be his biological mother but she can never go back now.
I am so thankful for her and for this amazing gift she brought into this world and she has now entrusted us with. There will always be a place in my heart for her. I pray that God will change her life and use these circumstances for good in her life. I pray that she find happiness one day and that she can with Gods help beat the odds and rise up out of her terrible situation.
I will be marking the days off on the calendar. I cannot wait to sign those final adoption papers and to be able to look at Little J and say you are mine forever. No more fear of what is to come just being a family. Wow, what a day of emotion. God is still answering prayers. Thank you so much for all the prayers and support. I think we are on the home stretch.