Welcome to our journey through foster parenting and adopting. I am so glad you have visited my blog.

My prayer is that through my experiences on this journey, I can be of help to someone else. I want Jesus Christ to be glorified through this blog because it is only through him that I am able to make this journey.

Here we go, let's start this journey together.

With All My Heart
Paula

Friday, January 29, 2010

MY HEART IS FULL OF EMOTION

We went to court this morning and all went well but my heart is full of emotion.  I cannot even begin to tell you how happy I was to have the judge look at my hubby and me and ask if we were committed to adopt Little J and we told him yes absolutely and he thanked us and said we should have closure in 60 days.  Thats right he said 60 days.  I could not believe it.  I think this was one of the happiest days I have had through this whole process.

Although this was a very happy day for me I have been overcome with emotion since we came home.  I will try and paint the picture for you that I will never forget.  First of all Little J's BM has been in jail since before Christmas.  She went due to not following what they told her to do the last time she was in court.  They brought her into the court room in handcuffs and chains like she had murdered someone.  She had lost so much wait and just really looked sad.  We go before the judge and her attorney let the judge know that she had signed consent for termination.  The judge then looked at her and asked her did she understand that she was waiving all parental rights and that she would no longer be considered in any decision.  With tears streaming down her cheeks she looked at the judge and said yes I do.  The judge told her that she should be thankful that we were willing to adopt Little J and she said I am I know they are good people.  

My heart as a Mother broke for her.  Her choices and decisions are what got her in this situation but I still felt bad for her.  We have built a relationship and I can not help but have compassion for her.  I do love this girl and want what is best for her.  What she did today was finally the right thing.  She has made some really bad choices where Little J is concerned but today she stood tall and was very brave and did not give her child up but she gave him better.  She chose today to give him what she cannot give right now.  This was something that if I were in her shoes I'm not sure if I could have done it.  I cannot begin to imagine how hard it must have been for her to give up her child forever.  No matter what she will always be his biological mother but she can never go back now.  

I am so thankful for her and for this amazing gift she brought into this world and she has now entrusted us with.  There will always be a place in my heart for her.  I pray that God will change her life and use these circumstances for good in her life.  I pray that she find happiness one day and that she can with Gods help beat the odds and rise up out of her terrible situation.

I will be marking the days off on the calendar.  I cannot wait to sign those final adoption papers and to be able to look at Little J and say you are mine forever.  No more fear of what is to come just being a family.  Wow, what a day of emotion.  God is still answering prayers.  Thank you so much for all the prayers and support.  I think we are on the home stretch.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

DNA ORDER

I got the call today that I have been waiting on since October.  My SW called and said that we have the DNA order and it is being forwarded to Lab Corp for testing.  Although I have been anxiously waiting on this to be done I had a sick feeling come over me.  I want to know the results but then I don't.  I know we have to find out if this man is indeed the father but I am so scared of the outcome if he is.

Please continue to hold us in your prayers.  We have made it this far and we are so close to the light at the end of the tunnel but we can't quite see it yet.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

IS THERE A LITTLE GIRL IN OUR FUTURE.

As you all know from reading my blog when we started the foster care process the goal was to adopt a little girl.  That is why we went through the classes and agreed to foster.  Then we were introduced to our sweet Little J and boy did things change.  The focus went from a little girl to never wanting Little J to leave and that is still the case.

However, we have learned that we may be contacted in February for a potiential adoptive placement of a little girl.  We heard about the situation a good while ago but there were still a lot of things that had to be cleared up before she would be considered an adoptive placement.  Well as you guessed it Hubby in the beginning said no absolutely not.  He still has not said yes but he has not said no anymore either.  We got to see a picture of her yesterday and boy is she adorable.  Like I said we have known about this for a while now but have just been waiting.  I am very happy that our state agency is doing what they promised me 2 years ago and that is even though we have Little J they promised that as soon as a little girl became available they would consider us and let make the decision whether we could take her or not.

This is not a decision to be entered in to lightly.  I do want me and hubby to be completely in agreement with this and most of all we want to be in the center of Gods will for our family.  Please pray for our family as this possible situation unfolds.  Please pray that if this little girl is meant to be ours that God just  give us clear answers.  I know that hubby is mainly concerned about providing for 5 children but God can give him a peace about that if this is his will.

Friday, January 15, 2010

SLEEP, I NEED SLEEP

Little J is almost 2 years old and STILL DOES NOT sleep through the night.  He wakes every 2-3 hours not to play but just tosses and turns and whines and fusses.  It normally takes him at least 30 mins to return to sleep and then we do it all again in another 2-3 hours.

I need some of you fellow bloggers to help me.  I have tried everything.  I have rocked him to sleep.  I have put him in his bed and let him cry himself to sleep and he literally cried for hours every night for a month.  He would fall asleep and then wake up again I would allow him to cry just going in every 20 minutes and lying him back down and he never started sleeping through the night.  I finally gave in put a twin bed mattress and rail beside my bed and tried to get him to sleep there , no better.  I then started allowing him to sleep with me thinking he just wanted me still no better.  I am at my witts end.

I do not know if this is a medical problem.  I have talked to the pediatrician numerous times and the cardiologist still no help.  The pediatrician thought maybe it was reflux and has set him up an appointment with specialist but also put him on reflux meds that has not helped.  I worry it could be heart related but they all say no.  Could it still be the effects of him being born addicted?  Please, please comment and let me know any suggestions or insight.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

DNA UPDATE

I just got off of the phone with the SW and they are going to do the DNA testing.  We had very high hopes that the Attorney Generals office would not release the DNA due to the ongoing murder investigation and that they would just publish and be done with it but that did not happen.

As I sit and type this post I can hardly see the computer screen for my tears but Little J is sitting in my lap wiping the tears with his sweet little hand as they stream down my cheeks.  I cannot begin to tell you how I feel right now.  I cannot imagine Little J anywhere but here.  I cannot imagine our lives without him.  I cannot imagine his life without us.  Reality is though that someone could come forward and want him if this guy is his father.  People that the potential father did not even want to tell that he possiblity  had a child with someone other than his wife.  A man that knew he could possibly be his and knew he was in foster care and never came forward.  Crazy isn't it?

Faith, that is what has gotten us through this far and faith will see us to the end.

God,
I am not sure what you are trying to teach me through all of this, is it faith, trust, perhaps patience?  God I do trust you I do love you and I know that you have all our lives in your hands.  You already know the outcome before it is revealed to us.  I have to believe that you didn't let us come this far and love this baby this much for him to be taken from us.  I believe you are in control and though I have such frustration and sometimes even doubt I do believe that your will is for this baby to be with us forever.  I am claiming that God.  I pray now for everyone involved in the decision making.  May they look to you for their guidance also.  Just grant me peace and calm my fears.  I know you love Little J far more than me and your word says you have a plan for all of us.  Just please grant us testing quickly and allow us to adopt this baby into our family and I promise to always teach him about you and your goodness and how you brought such a blessing to our lives through him.
Amen

WOW, WE ARE BUSY

Sorry it has been so long in between post lately but we have been very busy since before Christmas.

Seth has been busy with basketball.  He is the manager for the basketball team of his school.  The school he attends only goes through the 9th grade so this is his last year.  Last night they had a recognition time for all 9th grade athletics.  They each presented their parents with a rose and we were escorted on to the court.  I threatened to give him a big kiss but I didn't (really i was afraid he would put me on the floor because he is big and strong enough to do that.)

Patton has begun junior varsity baseball practice after school each day.  He is also taking hitting lessons once per week.  His first baseball game is scheduled for 2-16-10.  We are going to freeze.

Landon is busy playing upward basketball with our church.  They practice on Monday nights and play on Saturday.  Let me just add if you ever have the opportunity for your child to be involved in upward basketball it is wonderful and I would highly recommend it.

Little J is just BUSY.  He is into everything.  Really, I am not kidding.  He is developing such a sweet, happy personality.  He is trying so hard to carry on conversations with us but right now it is a foreign language.  He can say lots of words but when he tries to put them all together we have a hard time speaking the same language.  Oh and by the way he LOVES ball any kind of ball.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

HAPPY NEW YEAR

I would like to say happy new year to everyone and I hope 2010 is a great year for you.  I love the Christmas and New Years holidays.  We have so much to be thankful for.

Here is a list of  my resolutions:

I want to be a better wife and Mother.
I need to work on my patience.
I want to be a better friend
I want to be a better daughter and sister and grand daughter
I want to lose at least 40 pounds.
I want to devote more time to bible study.
I want to learn to not sweat the small stuff to just relax a little more.

Hopefully I can achieve these goals with a lot of prayer.