Welcome to our journey through foster parenting and adopting. I am so glad you have visited my blog.

My prayer is that through my experiences on this journey, I can be of help to someone else. I want Jesus Christ to be glorified through this blog because it is only through him that I am able to make this journey.

Here we go, let's start this journey together.

With All My Heart
Paula

Thursday, January 27, 2011

KNOWING THE RIGHT TIME

Since we have finalized our adoption of Jacob I have been thinking a lot about when the right time is to begin telling Jacob about his birth mom.  Jacob sees her about two to threes times per year and she calls or text usually about twice her month.  When she calls I always let him talk to her and he just knows that she is T.  I know that he is only almost three, but when do I start talking about her to him as his first Mommy, or birth Mom?

Do I start showing him pictures of her and telling him that he grew in her belly and in our hearts?

Do I tell him she loved him and wanted what was best for him (which in a way she did but she still continued her drug use)?

Or, Do I simply just put a picture of her in his room and call her by name and when he is old enough to ask why he has that picture and who she really is then tell him?

Do I just do nothing until he is older?

I just want to do this in a way that is best for everyone.  I do not ever want Jacob to feel like I have kept anything from him.  I want our line of communication to always be open about his adoption but I don't know where to start.

Any advise that anyone could give me would be greatly appreciated.

3 comments:

  1. I would just start by adding to what you already say, something like "This is T, your birthmom". That is enough. when he is ready, he will ask questions and I would give simple one line answers and wait for the next kitchen.

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  2. i would tell him about her just like a bedtime story and i would start right away. "once upon a time there was a lady named T. one day she found out she had a baby in her belly, and that baby was you. at the same time God told US that we needed to find a baby that HE had made just for US and that was you, inside T's tummy."

    i would assume you never want him to feel surprise about it all. that way he has always known at an age appropriate level.

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  3. Although I don't disagree with the previous two comments, I'm not sure you need to need to "tell" Jacob that T is his birth mom at age 3. I think as long as you are maintaining a relationship so he knows who T is and you are openly talking about the fact that he is adopted, he will question in time who is birth mom is. One of my former foster daughters was adopted by an aunt and uncle at age 1 and always knew she was adopted. She also knew G, who was her birth mom and saw her at family functions, but she didn't know G was HER birth mom. She is now almost 7 and knows her two sisters, neither of which are with G, and knows G is the birth mom of both sisters. She has figured it out on her own. Some day she'll ask questions but in her own time. Right now she is not concerned, but it's not a surprise either.

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